My Big Brother

Life began with an intestinal hernia. He was much better after the surgery.
He always had a smile on his face.
Codeine made him see little green men.
He was a happy kid up, full of adventure and full of mischief.
A little on the short side, but cute as a button.
As a teen, girls couldn’t leave him alone.
He loved to surf and smoke cigarettes.
After high school graduation, he grew three inches.
He was happy.

He started college, but the draft interrupted.
He volunteered since his lottery number was 12.
He married a girl who was also cute as a button.
He went to Nam and made it back.
The marriage didn’t work out. Not so happy, but he could still smile.

He met and married his soul mate.
She had a young boy from a previous marriage.
Together they had a little girl.
Life was good and he was very happy.

He wanted to donate a kidney to a friend,
But couldn't because they found a tumor in his body.
Treatment was started to shrink the tumor so they could remove it.
After surgery, treatment continued and successfully killed the cancer.
Through it all, he had a smile on his face.

Six months later, x-rays showed spots on lungs.
Treatment began again and some of the spots disappeared.
Time to quit smoking.
Short breaths, can’t breathe, off to the hospital. Pray.
Blood pressure high, heart rate high, still can’t breathe. Maybe it’s pneumonia.Pray.
Sedate and ventilate.
Blood pressure down, heart rate down and breathing is a little easier.
Praise God.
Organs begin to shut down. Pray.
Organs began working again, color is good, and vitals are good.
Praise God.

Now they think it’s in the blood. Blast of antibiotics. Pray
Maybe the ventilator will come out today.
Praise God.

Please pray for my brother. He will give away his daughter in marriage (to the friend who needed the kidney) next spring at Dodger Stadium.

Thank you and God Bless.

Find a Way!

Most of us don't want to acknowledge to ourselves or anyone else that we might be falling to great lows. I'll be the first to admit it! I don't want my friends or family to know about the negative thoughts I posses. I want them to think I am clever, entertaining and full of "happy" thoughts. Most people don't like to be around a depressed, worried and grumpy person. Yeah, I get really grumpy sometimes!

As a mom, I put all my energy into the well-being of my hubs and kids. I find that by getting out of myself and concentrating on others, I can temporarily avoid dealing with my stuff. Sometimes it works...for a little while. On those occasions when the moon, stars and galaxies are all in alignment, all you-know-what can hit the fan. It's either really, really good or terribly bad.

After the third child has hit his new low, I start laughing. To me, it's like a bad movie that is so bad, you can't help but think it's funny! However, movies come to an end... So, what's a mother to do? As one close to me always says, "put a rubber band around your head and snap out of it!" There is a point to that cliche.

My rubber band is that higher power out there that many of us call God. My cries have always been heard. The resolutions presented to me have not always been what I expected, but they have been forthcoming. If I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do, I go back to the source, and always come away with a workable solution.

Maybe that's why I'm writing this post. I've been out of sorts for a few weeks trying to cope with family stuff, personal stuff and so missing the beach where I would go and talk to him. It looks like my computer is my new "beach."

If you've been there, or are there now, with feelings of being trapped with no way out, try to find a "beach" of your own, where you can travel inward. It could be a place in your house, a park, a lake, or even a place of worship. I can usually feel a connection when there is plenty of light around. If I'm outdoors, the feeling can be enhanced by a breeze or distant sound. I truly believe there is always a way out, but I have to make the first move. Sometimes that move is really difficult. It helps when I imagine seeing the smiles on the faces of those close to me. I start moving for them, and end up moving for me.

I hope you find your way!