How Far Is Heaven?

"No one wants to suffer.  No one wants to be lonely.  No one wants to live in fear. No one wants to lose everything. No one wants their heart ripped to shreds. No one wants to be sick.  And, no one wants to die. But these things happen in life.  So the least we can do is to be there for others, as we would like others to be there for us."  simplereminders.com

As I raised my children, I did everything I could to secure their well-being. I wanted them to have every opportunity to experience as much of life as they were able to dream. I tried to encourage them to have passion, and to follow that passion as much as possible.  They made it through the teenage years and into young adulthood with no major hiccups.  Then, it was time for me to let them go.  It was time to watch them fly and make their way in the world on their terms.  I’m not alone. I believe that this is a path taken by almost every parent. We all go through it, as did our parents, and their parents. As we set them free, we feel a sense of accomplishment and look forward to watching them flourish.  For some, it is their time to soar; for others, their time is cut short.  I am honored to share with you a few stories of some very special young men and women who left this earth too soon…by our timetables.

AUSTEN

Austen – This 19 year old promising rugby player greeted each day of his life with the anticipation and excitement of a child on Christmas morning.  He loved every minute of every day. He was blessed to have experienced so much in his young life.  He was a gifted athlete, a Boy Scout, and a loving son who lived his life doing all the right things with honor and grace.  As an only child, his parents made sure that he had every opportunity to explore and pursue his passions.  Besides the sport of rugby, Austen loved Formula 1 racing, history (WWII era) and doing just about anything with his friends.  His closest friends numbered around 13, both boys and girls, who had all grown up together.  

One of these friends wrote a tribute to Austen saying, "thank you for letting me share the last 11 years of my life with a best friend like you.  You've always had my back, been my brother, and I know you're still looking over me as you always will."  Austen's friends all remember the contagious smile he wore...sometimes a little goofy, but always a smile!

The St. Louis Rugby Community also acknowledged his contributions to the sport beginning with Parkway United Rugby Club in high school, to the Kohlfeld Scorpions of Cape Girardeau while in college at Southeast Missouri University.  He also made a few appearances with the St. Louis Bombers, the city's elite professional rugby organization that has competed throughout the United States and abroad for over half a century.  

Austen was very happy.  His life was not cut short from illness or poor choices. He was riding a motorcycle when he was hit by a car.  His demise came quickly and he did not suffer any pain. Austen gave the ultimate gift of organ donation and now lives on in in bodies of others. 

BOBBI

 Bobbi - was a bright, energetic and loving young woman.  Her story is more common that we know and I think it needs to be told...over and over...to bring awareness to the reason for her death.  Bobbi, a college graduate and in her mid-20’s, was well on her way to a successful life in a career, relationships and healthy living.  Her free spirit and creativity brought so much happiness to all who knew her.  Being an only child, she took advantage of every opportunity to spend time with her friends.  She was enjoying an evening out with some of her friends at a local establishment when her drink was spiked with a “date-rape” drug. Soon after ingesting, she had an adverse reaction. She became incapacitated and was having difficulty breathing. She was rushed to the hospital.  The doctors were unable to do anything for her and she passed within a few hours.  These drugs do not affect every person the same way, and can be dropped into a soda just as easily as any alcoholic beverage.

Bobbi was dearly loved by many and to this day, she continues to be a warm and loving memory for her family. I have two daughters. This is something I think about...a lot.  It can happen anywhere to anyone. 

BEN

Ben - an only child, and a 19 year old promising hockey player, was enjoying his first year of college.  He loved everything hockey, and gave back at his young age by officiating for youth hockey organizations. Although his passion was to play goalie or officiate at the highest level, he also dreamed of announcing hockey games and was working on a broadcasting degree at Illinois State University, Bloomington. 

 Ben lit up every room and every arena he entered.  From hometown friends, to college friends, to hockey referees Ben always left them smiling with his humor and caring demeanor.  Many of his friends all spoke of how Ben would drop everything to help them.  His sense of humor and grace under fire touched everyone who knew him. He once stepped in to sing the National Anthem when the scheduled singer didn't show at a game. He nailed it...not an easy song for anyone to sing!  
 
Ben was hit by a car while walking on the sidewalk in his college town. He suffered severe head injuries and was transported to the nearest hospital. After doctors exhausted all means possible to save him, they began discussing with Ben’s parents how Ben could save others.  Upon learning of Ben's accident, the Detroit Redwings sent him an autographed jersey that hung on the wall of his hospital room prior to his passing.  Ben also lives on in the bodies of others who received needed organs; one of them is now able to see because of Ben's gift. 


The individuals shared above were "only" children.  When they went left our world, they left incomprehensible voids in the lives of their parents.  Every day is a struggle for the parents to find their way in this new family situation. It takes strength and faith to keep moving forward. I believe that the love they shared with their children while on earth will carry them through until the day they are reunited.  

ERICA

Erica - knew how to make people feel good about themselves.  Her words touched souls in ways that changed lives.  She wanted to help others, whether it was through teaching in an educational setting, or by working with cancer patients who had lost their hair through chemo.  College educated and filled with a passion to make a difference, she struggled with what she was going to do with her life.  She wanted to know the whole picture and had difficulty accepting that she could not.  She seemed to always shine in the direction of others who needed it.  Little did anyone know, even those closest to her, that she was unable to shine for herself.  She always "smiled for the show" which many found so endearing.  
 

 Erica suffered from Depression, a disease that is more common than many want to admit because of the stigma associated with it.  It is a disease which symptoms appear in many different forms.  Anxiety, fear, and aggressive, obsessive and compulsive behaviors, can all be connected to Depression.  The signs are not always there, because "we don't want anyone to know" that we are weak, or that we are not "right."  Weak or “not right” can be described as a common character of almost everyone!  

 No one knew just how much pain Erica felt.  All of the intelligence and information available still could not save her from the emotional despair.  Even her strong faith in God was not enough to ease the pain. She just wanted it to go away and felt she had no place to take it.  Erica was found unresponsive by a sibling. I know this loving family, and if there had been any inkling that something was wrong, they would have intervened. 


Those who loved Erica found her independent, trusting, immensely creative, and willing to help anyone in need. On the flip side, she worried about the future and wanted to understand everything about everything.  That was important to her.  But life just isn’t like that.  She was unique in how she learned things, and somewhere along the line, she was given the impression that she was not "good enough" because she figured things out differently than others.

It starts early in life.  Our words have so much power.  We must use them wisely and with much love...not just with children, but also with our peers.

If you or someone close to you exhibits signs of Depression, please know that there is help at many different levels. It is a treatable disease. I started looking for help many years ago. I am grateful that I found it, when I needed it the most.     



I hope you have been touched by the stories of these beautiful children of God.  I became aware of the passing of Austen, Bobbi and Ben, all within a six-month period and felt moved to share them with others. As I began to write about them, I was reminded of Erica and wanted to share her story as a way to increase awareness of Depression.  Today is the four year anniversary of Erica's passing. 

Austen, Bobbi, Ben and Erica were all precious gifts and their loving memories will always have a special place in the hearts of those whom they loved. I wish to extend my thoughts and prayers to the families of each of them and my hope that they find healing as they celebrate the lives of each of these very special children.

Frags on Friday - Spaced Out!

Welcome to Friday Fragments #241, a weekly wind down sponsored by the magnanimous Mrs4444 (pronounced "MrsFours") of Half-Past Kissin' Time!  I love this segment of her blog as it gives one a chance to reflect, reject and renew oneself prior to the weekend!

I've had a "Space Mountain" of a week emotionally, but it's been good...great learning experience... humbled my ego somewhat, encouraged me to let go a little and trust the big guy a lot more with my silly little life!  "Oh, just surprise me, God!  I know it will be great!"

Spent last Sunday picking up the VW Bus, and praying that it wouldn't break down between Missouri and Illinois.  It ran out of gas...but it didn't break down!  What a lesson in trust.  Also got our taxes done, had lunch with my girls and was the recipient of not just one, but two, hugs from the #2 son, while #1 son was recuperating from his variety show the night before.  Next time, Boneman!  I need two hugs from you!

I was having coffee with some friends and watched one of them break a perfectly to-die-for cupcake in half, pulling the bottom half over the top so that it became a cupcake-sammich!  I began to hyperventilate and lose consciousness.  I was quickly brought back to reality when I began to gnaw on a carrot that I had been holding.  I enjoyed that cupcake vicariously through my friend, after repeating to myself...I don't like cupcakes...they are evil...they will cause me to lift off into outer space!  Somehow, the conversation changed from evil sugar to permanent make-up tips.  My other friend revealed her beauty secrets that she acquired while in one of our coastal, sunny states.  She is drop-dead gorgeous to begin with, but I was not aware that her brows were tattooed, her eyeliner was tattooed, and her lip color had been tattooed!  I sort of choked on my carrot thinking about the procedures, but then realized just how much money she has saved by "not" waxing, not buying and applying both eyeliner and lipstick.  She also described what she had done with her lashes, but I can't remember as my mind was totally mush from her description of the lipstick tattoo!


What? Too much info?  Sorry, I just wanted to share a little of my week.  Hope you've had a great one!

Please click on the logo below to visit my friend, Mrs4444, and see what some of her friends have been up to this week!  Thanks for stopping by!

"I" Is For Inspiration

Have you ever been in a room with friends or relatives when you become acutely aware of another presence? You can’t see this presence, but it is so powerful that your body trembles and you cannot hold back your emotions. This is what happens to me when I know my conversation with God has become a two-way chat. I had one of these chats the other day.

I recently spent time with a family who I have known since I moved to St. Charles. They are friends who welcomed our family with open arms, who shared their children with ours, and who were there to help at a moment’s notice. They have miraculously (you will see versions of this word throughout my story) come through a most terrifying experience, only to shine as  “perfect” examples of God’s handiwork. This “handiwork” has resulted from their prayers, and the prayers of their friends, neighbors, co-workers, and an entire Church who all came together to lift up a beautiful young lady, her family, and the family of a best friend.

Best friends, Laney and Ted, had known each other since freshman year of high school. They attended different high schools, but the Youth Group at their church kept them close. Each July, the Youth Group, along with church members in various professions, would travel to a village in Belize. While the Youth Group would meet with the children and hold Bible classes, the older members would reach out to the adults by offering medical and dental services. The adults would also make structural repairs, and  additions, and adapt existing structures to accommodate the special needs of the residents. This trip was a definite summer highlight for everyone involved.

Both Ted and Laney attended college. They also worked together at the same restaurant. He was a manager and she, a server. One morning after a late night before, when neither was working, Laney called up Ted and said,

“Let’s go get tattoos!” Ted’s reply was affirmative. The day had just begun; it was only 10:00am. Once they arrived at the tattoo parlor, they were told that there were no appointments available until later that day. They decided, in the meantime, to visit a mutual friend who lived close to the tattoo parlor. They called her to let her know they were coming. The drive to their friend’s house took them through a rural area with stop signs (instead of lights) at the intersections. They approached a stop that was on an incline, with the intersection at the top. They stopped and began to proceed, as they saw no other traffic. Unknown to them, there was another car approaching from their left. As they made their way through the intersection, the oncoming vehicle was unable to stop and collided with them at a speed exceeding 55 miles per hour. Ted was driving. Ted’s body was pushed into Laney’s left side. It all happened so fast. Both Ted and Laney were rendered unconscious. The other driver was not visibly hurt, and immediately jumped out of his car. He ran to Laney’s side.

“Wake up! Are you guys okay in there? HELP! HELP!” he shouted. Laney could hear him, but her eyes were closed so she didn’t know the direction from where the voice was coming. Was it Ted talking to her? Or was it someone else? Laney opened her eyes, and realized the severity of the accident. She began to move her legs so that she could get out of the car. She pried open the door, but when she tried to stand, her left leg gave out and she collapsed to the ground in a nearby ditch. She managed to dial her mother’s number, told her what had happened and said that she was okay. Meanwhile, there had been an off-duty physician behind the second car who knew the driver, and called him by name.

“Brett, please come with me” the doctor said calmly. He did not want Brett to see Ted’s body as he lay in the car. The two of them walked out of sight of the accident and the doctor was able to calm Brett and kept him away from the scene. Other motorists who had been right behind the accident offered to help in any way. 911 Emergency was called. One of the motorists felt a pulse, however slow, in Ted’s body.

“This one needs to be airlifted to a hospital!” he said. The area was so dense with trees; it was thought to be impossible to land a helicopter. The ambulances arrived shortly, secured the victims and rushed them to the nearest hospital. Brett was also driven to the same hospital, but since he was under 18 years old, he was taken to the Pediatric Trauma Center of the hospital.

With today’s communication technology, word of the accident spread quickly. The police department closest to Ted’s parents’ house was contacted and they personally drove to the house to inform his parents of what had happened and where Ted had been taken. Both victims were immediately seen at the ER Trauma Center. Blood tests, x-rays, CT scans and other immediate means of determining the extent of the injuries, as well as, IVs to help stabilize the body were performed on Laney. She kept asking over and over about Ted’s condition. Ted’s injuries were so severe, that his body gave out before much could be done to help him.

Laney’s parents arrived and watched in horror as the doctors and nurses worked on their daughter.  Their prayers were strong and constant.  They, too, were concerned about Ted and his injuries.  The chaplain arrived and took Laney’s parents to a separate room where he explained the tests being performed on Laney, and then, the very sad news about Ted.  Laney’s parents were devastated to hear of Ted’s passing, but decided not to tell Laney yet, as they thought it would upset her and might complicate the hard work that was being performed to help stabilize her. Ted’s parents soon arrived and asked about both of the kids. The Chaplain then took them aside to deliver the news that Ted had died.  

Laney’s parents were finally approached by the ER doctor who talked to them about her injuries. Her left leg sustained mostly bruises from ankle to armpit, with no breaks. However, her pelvis was broken in four places. Both her spleen and left kidney suffered abrasions. She had nine broken ribs, a punctured lung and broken “T1” vertebrae at the tip of her spine. (It was later determined through accident reconstruction that after the impact, the distance between Ted’s door and Laney’s door was a mere twelve inches.) She spent eight days in the Trauma ICU.

Two days after the accident, a Wake was held for Ted, with the Funeral on the following day. Laney was still in a lot of pain, both physical and emotional, while mourning the death of her best friend. At this point, God had a little chat with a few of Laney’s good friends. Both of the services were skyped by the IPhone of one of these friends, which enabled Laney to experience the Wake and Funeral, as well as, the faces and comments of all of the attendees. Most importantly, she felt she was there with Ted. The wonders of skyping technology also gave Laney the ability to interact with the friends at the services.

While in the Trauma ICU, Laney celebrated her 20th birthday. Her family and 50 closest friends arrived on that day with their arms full of balloons, banners, flowers, cards and gifts! They turned her world of sterility and machines into a wildly colorful “Dream Birthday Extravaganza” with music, cake and ear-to-ear smiles for as far as her eyes could see! Even the hospital staff could not stop themselves from becoming part of the celebration!

According to the doctors, Laney was healing ahead of schedule and she seemed to be recovering very quickly…almost miraculously! Plans were made to transfer her to a rehabilitation facility not far from the hospital. While going through rehab, Laney enjoyed conversations with her therapist who would explain everything that she was doing. A dream of Laney’s is to become an Occupational Therapist herself, so she was excited to get some practical experience while she was healing. Within a week, Laney was well enough to go home in a wheelchair, notwithstanding the fact that she was tired of hospitals, missed her dog, Nugget, and wanted to sleep in her own house!

During this time, God had been chatting with the members of her church. A care calendar had been set up to provide meals, run errands, and help the family with whatever they needed. The Belize Trip members were quite active in this regard. This group of incredibly committed people built a wooden ramp which extended from the driveway to the front door and was in place the day she came home. They also donated a special wheelchair for Laney’s use which was not as wide as a typical wheelchair. This enabled Laney to maneuver with ease as she made her way through the rooms of her house. Laney was home, and what a grand homecoming it was!

God had also been chatting with others in Laney’s life. She was a college sophomore on spring break when the accident occurred. She figured that she would have to repeat the semester and fall behind her classmates. When she contacted the college, they were very understanding…to the point of “miraculous” understanding! They allowed her to finish out three of her five classes online, with no due dates. Her plans to graduate and attend graduate school will have hardly any interruption at all!

Laney had mastered the safe transfer of her body from one chair to another. The upper body strength she acquired during this time rivaled that of a dedicated athlete. Very soon, she could stand with her weight on the right side while switching chairs. At ten weeks post-accident, Laney was given the okay to put weight on her left leg. It couldn’t have come at a better time! She was now “legally” able to use stairs, which she had been “eyeballing” for some time and which meant she would be back in her bedroom and sleeping in her own bed!

Friends called to see her and would drive her wherever she wanted to go. She walked everywhere, resting for only a few minutes at a time. It felt good to be mobile. She would visit her co-workers at the restaurant. She found out that right after the accident, all of the restaurant’s employees were given several days off, and the company found replacements from others stores in the area to run the restaurant while everyone was in mourning. No one had to be asked; they all wanted to help. In the restaurant parking lot there is a memory tree where co-workers, friends and even customers have left notes and prayers for Laney, Ted and their families. To this day, and in memory of Ted, his parking space has remained empty.

Each day brought stronger movements for Laney, and with that came a stronger sense of accomplishment, confidence, and gratitude to God for how far she had come in such little time. She also knew that the prayers of family, friends and the entire congregation of her church were a big part of her incredible recovery, both physical and emotional.

One of the many honors that Laney has earned is that of cleric officiating at weddings. She recently was blessed to unite her good friends, Katrina and Tom, in matrimony. Ted had planned to perform the ceremony, but after his death, Katrina asked Laney if she would be willing to officiate. This event took place only three months after the accident. Laney is a shining example of God’s grace and blessings. Not only has she had a miraculous recovery, but she is fulfilling God’s plan by being an amazing young woman with extraordinary gifts, which she freely shares with everyone.

Laney is not finished…no, not by any means! She will be the most welcomed addition to the Belize Trip 2012 and a blessing to the people of the village as she delivers God’s message of hope and love! She will stand tall while she radiates the underestimated awesomeness of our Lord!

Since this post was originally written, Laney has traveled to Belize and realized her dream of walking into the village on her own and spreading love and the word of God to the families who welcomed her with open arms.

In Memory of a Beloved Friend.....

Thanks for stopping by my "I" entry for Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday!  Please hop over to her house to see many other great posts about "I" .  Just click on the logo below and voila! You will be there!

Firework!

Hellooooooooo! I've been lurking lately and leaving little notes when I can. My time management skills are horrible right now! I'm very sorry. I can barely find the time or energy to latch on to the weekly memes that I so love! So, I will add to my "New Year's List of Things To Do" item #23: MAKE MORE TIME TO WRITE!!!!! (even if it means that I give up 30 minutes of "sogging" on the couch!)

Katy Perry has a new song out (it's probably been out forEVA, but it's new to me) that has lyrics that move me to tears. I think it's the kind of message that one would give to a good friend who is a little down, or in my case, each of my four children. They all have their special talents and I would love to watch them soar through the sky while sharing their best. Please check out her video when you can.

I'm looking forward to the New Year, a healthier me, a few more "snow days" and a car that can pass the safety and emissions tests! Oh, and I'm looking forward to a lot more reading and writing.

Thank you to all who have entertained and touched me with your writing (which is just about everyone). I have received so much of what I needed to hear. I wish you all a very happy and fulfilling year with healthy babies, adventures beyond your wildest dreams, and so many hugs and kisses that you can't stand it any longer!

God Bless you all!

Liz