It always amazes me how stress can turn one's world upside down and inside out! We think we have it all figured out, and then Vertigo sets in. I recently took a course on Stress Management. It made me realize how I have stuffed the emotional junk down my throat for so very long. First the feelings get stuffed, and then the sugar fills up any leftover space.
I could never figure out "good" stress or "bad" stress...it was all bad to me! I now know that the good stress can motivate me to take care of my "To Do" list in a positive light. The bad stress is something I still fight, still stuff and sometimes block from my mind entirely.
Bad stress is why I haven't posted in a long time. I have some life changing challenges ahead of me. The mom in me tells me to make sure the kids are okay and settled before I can work on what I need to do. But I think I'm using that as an excuse to avoid what really needs to be done.
I'm moving to another state (five hours from where I now live) and my children are staying here. They are old enough to be on their own, and are excited at the thought of doing so. It's killing me because I don't want to let go. I think if they left one at a time, it might be easier for me. But, it's happening all at once, and it scares the heck out of me. The thought of just being two again feels so foreign. I know it happens every day, and parents get through it, but it's not something I had planned for or ever imagined would happen to me.
On the flip side, I won't be involved in the daily drama of the "sisters." I won't get the phone calls late at night...telling me that they are going to be late! I also won't have to tip-toe around the house until noon because SOMEONE is sleeping...because SOMEONE was up until 3:00 or 4:00 or some other hour! I'm still going to miss even this!
I enjoy making "To Do" lists. I even list things I've already done so that I can have the satisfaction of crossing it off! My ADD is really kicking in so I leave lists in every room, just in case I think of something else that needs to be done!
I guess that's just what we (moms) do! We laugh, we cry, we carry out hearts on our sleeves and we make lists. I can't imagine my life any other way. Wish me luck with my lists!
2 comments:
That is a huge change, Liz, and understandably stressful. I hope you will keep writing about all that you are going through as a way to help sort out your feelings. Any life change can be stressful but I understand that this is an enormous one for you.
OH MY I can so relate to this. It broke my heart moving 9 hours away from Steve and Mike... at least now we have Steve with us again!
Still working on Mike.
You are still going to get the phone calls!
I live for the day it is only Stew and Me .... as long as the kids are not too far away of course!
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