What if I had followed my dreams of becoming a dancer? Would I have made a living doing something that I loved? Did it matter that I was not a "great" dancer, but my heart told me I was? It may have mattered that one leg was 1/4" longer than the other one; it may have mattered that I would have been one of thousands at every audition; it may have mattered that most of the guys who danced back then were not interested in women. Or, maybe not?
I wonder how different things would be if I had made the cheerleading squad in high school. It was my dream to be a Pioneer cheerleader! Would I have been a slutty cheerleader? Would it have mattered that I slept around and started a family at 18? Would it have mattered that I didn't earn the silly secretarial degree from college and found that working for attorneys paid a lot more than insurance brokers? It may have mattered if I hadn't gone to college...I would not have met my hubs. It may have mattered that by not meeting my hubs, my four cherubims would belong to someone else or not belong to anyone at all. That matters to me. I'm sort of sweet on my cherubims.
Had a few things happened differently, I would not have a lot of what I have today. I would not be humbled by my imperfections or the perfection of nature; I might not have found God through a 12 step program; I would not be in awe of the fact that I managed to produce not one child, but four; and I would not be amazed that a man would stick it out with a neurotic witch like me for 33 years...next week.
I'm glad that life happened to me as it has. No "what ifs" here!
4 comments:
No 'what if's' here either!
What we do in life shapes who we are, and I'm quite happy to be me!
A very thought provoking post...I've certainly taken turns in my life that I wonder about, but I am very happy where I am now so I guess that is all that matters. Though I had a marriage that didn't last forever it gave me the family that I cherish beyond measure.
I love this post. Like everyone else, I have a few things in my past that part of me would like to erase -- things I'm not proud of or things that were painful. But I realized long ago that it took every single one of those things to make me who I am today. I wouldn't trade the journey for anything.
I've recently come to a point where the "what ifs" don't matter. It's liberating.
Where was this post 2 years ago?!!? I could've used it then, but I feel good knowing I did it all by myself. Sometimes the hard way is the only way.
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