Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Okay, It's Past January 5th

I didn't make any resolutions this year. I haven't made any for a long, long time! (But for me, a long, long time could mean at least 20 minutes.) I just take the New Year concept and earnestly try to make myself a better person. Usually, this involves losing weight. Sound familiar?

Working in an environment that cares a lot about kids, I've learned how to not repeat parenting mistakes more than two or three times. (Once again, it's the memory thing, and I need a little repetition to make it stick.) I don't yell like I used to yell, I don't use sarcasm, criticism and/or cynicism when I'm with my kids. I just use these things when I'm around clueless adults.

What I DO have a hard time changing is the food thing. I've been surfing blogs today and found some interesting and entertaining posts about losing weight, eating healthy and getting hot guys to ask me out. (Not the third thing; that was just an impulse I had, sorry) I found a great site, http://www.pastaqueen.com/, which I highly recommned you to visit. The author of the site, Jennette Fulda, is hilarious! She has also written a book, "Half-Assed a weight-loss memoir" which chronicles her journey through a 200 pound weight loss. Her posts are very thought provoking and her followers raise great questions and ideas to which many of us can relate.

My journey, which started when I was about 11, has been up, down, sideways, successful, crappy and never-ending. It took about 20 years of therapy, numerous diets, tears, yelling, self-destructing, lying, learning to camouflage, cheating, fantasizing, drop-kicking Barbie dolls across the room, and denying that I could have a problem. A phone conversation with a good friend got me thinking when she said, "It's okay to have a few cookies when you want to; it's just not okay to have the whole package." Wow! The light-bulb went on!

My next step was joining a 12-step program for people with eating disorders. I bawled my eyes out for about six months, listening to the stories of emotional and physical pain caused by being overweight. I also bawled my eyes out listing to the success stories and how lives were changed. I wanted what they had. I finally mustered up the nerve to ask someone to be my sponsor. They said "no" and I was crushed! I felt that this was my last chance to "fix" my weight problem.

I continued to go to meetings, developed a better understanding of how the program worked, and finally asked another person to be my sponsor. She said "yes" and that I should call her the next morning. I called the next morning and was given my instructions. From this day forward, my sponsor (I called her "The Gestapo") and I talked every single day. She said that if I didn't call her, she was going to call me, and I'd be in deep doodoo. She didn't take any crap from me (and she knew when I was dishing it out). I lost 50 pounds in six months, felt wonderful, and had begun to give back by being a sponsor to someone else.

After spawning two more little people, added to the two I already had, I found my time was a little more restricted and attending meetings became a real challenge. Sponsoring others also took the toll of not having the time. I never gave up, however. My participation dwindled and then the shame of gaining the weight back kept me from going because if I went, I had to be honest and divulge my "sins."

I still have not given up hope. And, as long as I have hope, I can make changes that will result in a healthier lifestyle. I am inspired by the people in "Bloggerdom" and actually started this blog to "be honest" and work towards making my life a better place to be.

Oh, and by the way, I found God through this 12-step program. I mean, I always knew who he was, but I really got to know him as I worked my way through this program. Subsequently, I have been involved in several prayer groups and continue this day to be a prayer warrior for anybody who needs one!

Thanks for stopping by!

1 comment:

Chris H said...

Good luck on the weight loss journey, we all have our ups and downs... I am still striving to stay down!