Most of us don't want to acknowledge to ourselves or anyone else that we might be falling to great lows. I'll be the first to admit it! I don't want my friends or family to know about the negative thoughts I posses. I want them to think I am clever, entertaining and full of "happy" thoughts. Most people don't like to be around a depressed, worried and grumpy person. Yeah, I get really grumpy sometimes!
As a mom, I put all my energy into the well-being of my hubs and kids. I find that by getting out of myself and concentrating on others, I can temporarily avoid dealing with my stuff. Sometimes it works...for a little while. On those occasions when the moon, stars and galaxies are all in alignment, all you-know-what can hit the fan. It's either really, really good or terribly bad.
After the third child has hit his new low, I start laughing. To me, it's like a bad movie that is so bad, you can't help but think it's funny! However, movies come to an end... So, what's a mother to do? As one close to me always says, "put a rubber band around your head and snap out of it!" There is a point to that cliche.
My rubber band is that higher power out there that many of us call God. My cries have always been heard. The resolutions presented to me have not always been what I expected, but they have been forthcoming. If I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do, I go back to the source, and always come away with a workable solution.
Maybe that's why I'm writing this post. I've been out of sorts for a few weeks trying to cope with family stuff, personal stuff and so missing the beach where I would go and talk to him. It looks like my computer is my new "beach."
If you've been there, or are there now, with feelings of being trapped with no way out, try to find a "beach" of your own, where you can travel inward. It could be a place in your house, a park, a lake, or even a place of worship. I can usually feel a connection when there is plenty of light around. If I'm outdoors, the feeling can be enhanced by a breeze or distant sound. I truly believe there is always a way out, but I have to make the first move. Sometimes that move is really difficult. It helps when I imagine seeing the smiles on the faces of those close to me. I start moving for them, and end up moving for me.
I hope you find your way!
3 comments:
What a meaningful post! I too, rely on God to help me find a better place, when my negative thoughts (speak worries) get the better of me. I need to give it all to HIM and He brings me through.
I too have been feeling low... I try to hide it most days... but everyone who reads my blog KNOWS I'm a grumpy tart anyway!
I am in NO WAY religious, so don't actually have anything like that to turn to when I'm really down...
I am thinking of talking to my doctor about anti-depressants... I feel so low some days I may need them.
I'm glad you have 'someone' to turn to... life certainly does have it's up's and down's!
This post really speaks to me right now, as I deal with the ugly reality of a marital separation. Love this part: "I truly believe there is a way out, but *I* have to make the first move."
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