Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Wednesday Wickedness - Ellen Style

I recently found this great meme sponsored by Wednesday Wickedness. Each week, Janera posts quotes from a well-known celebrity, and then poses questions to the reader following the quotes. This week's meme posts quotes from Ellen DeGeneres, actress, comedienne, talk show host, American Idol Judge, and various other prestigious affiliates. And, by the way Ellen, love the picture! Here we go!

1. "I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves." How old were you when you started working and what was your first job?

My first job was sweeping and cleaning combs and brushes at a beauty parlor. My boss was the same person who I played school with five years earlier where discipline was handled by pulling scotch tape off the back of my neck. I’m okay; therapy helped.

2. "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is." Tell us about your grandparents.

On my dad’s side…I never met my natural grandfather, but I hear he was quite an “outgoing individual.” My dad’s mom married him at 15, had my dad at 16 and then my aunt at 18. She divorced my grandfather and remarried another three times before she found her true love. My dad inherited the intelligence and movie star looks from both grandparents. On my mother’s side… her father was an architect and volunteer fireman. When he died, the town’s fire department transported his casket on one of the trucks to the cemetery. My grandmother had been a school teacher and continued to tutor in the home after starting a family. My mom inherited her best qualities of intelligence and drive

3. "Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off." Do you procrastinate or are you on top of the situations?

Well, Ellen, if I had all the personal assistants that you have, I would always be on top…of something. I am considered by some (especially my hubs) to be the Queen of Procrastination. I will do anything to avoid getting things done. If I were considered responsible, someone might take me seriously and expect great things from me. This way, I don’t stress out about not meeting anyone’s expectations.

4. "Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others." What would others say about you?

I’m a mean, old nasty mom who never lets her kids have fun. I meet everyone’s low expectations of me thereby never disappointing anyone. I care deeply about my family and friends and will always have their backs. When I see myself through the eyes of my reflection in the mirror, I am reminded that I need to start walking five miles a day.

5. "The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble" Do you believe in life on other planets?

Damn straight I do! I married one and birthed four of them, all of whom are trying their best to turn me into one of them! I refuse to allow the aliens in my life mold me into what they think I should be. After all, if my head was that far out of proportion with my body, it would be very difficult finding hoodies that fit right!

6. "I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that." Do you have a godchild?

Thanks, Ellen. I always thought that God might be a woman… I am godmother to beautiful young ladies. I just love the outfits I get to wear when I am doing my godmother duties…oh, wait, that’s fairy godmother. Well, they both get to wear great outfits! I have tutus in almost every color!

7. "I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'" When was the last time that you were called too thin?

Oh, how I long to hear those words! I fear that I may never hear anyone speak to me in that tone!

8. "I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'" Who was the last person that you should have recognized but didn't?

My gynecologist. I don’t get to much of him when I visit.

9. "I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." Do you work out? Have you ever joined a gym and quit almost immediately?

Ellen, I think we may have been separated at birth. I have joined dozens of gyms, and quit within a month. I have oodles of workout tapes, some of which still have the plastic seal on the box. I even used to be an aerobics teacher (a long, long time ago). I know it is essential for all of us to be doing something, but for me, it’s one of those procrastination items of mine…..

10. 'We use 10 percent of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60 percent." Do you feel that you utilize all your intelligence in every situation?

I get in enough trouble using just ten percent. Lord, helps us all if I ever take it to the next level, like 11%!

Thanks for hanging out with me for a few minutes. Please pop over to Wicked and say hello! Just click on the logo for Wednesday Wickedness below!


Ace said...

That's too funny about the gynecologist....but hey, it's kinda hard to look him in the eye when he's doing his job. ;)

Jeanie said...

You are hilarious, Liz. These answers were seriously funny, with, I suspect, a dose of honesty thrown in. I bet you did better than Ellen could have done.